I'm Back!

Sort of. We'll see how long I can stay on top of this thing. I really should as it is a great reminder of my life and such. So let's get started shall we? In my last post I shared that I was diagnosed as having bi-polar disorder. I have been on medication for almost six months. Monday my psychiatrist told me I don't have to go back for another six months. That is exciting because that means I am stable and the medication is doing what it is supposed to be doing. Also on Monday, my therapist asked if I wanted to think about seeing her every other week instead of weekly. Again, exciting stuff. My head is clearer than it has been in a very long time.

Speaking of heads, I still have my dreadlocks. Only they don't really look like dreadlocks and I am quite sad about the whole thing. Thankfully I was referred to a lady by Kevin at Love Electra. She seems really awesome and I have an appointment for some much needed dread maintenance scheduled for March 30th. When I was there for my consult, she said my dreads weren't actually locking. Boo. I am optimistic that she can help. Here is a picture of my dread/non-dreadiness:





Moving right along, I can't get enough of this lady:

Seriously, I love her. You should too.

Yesterday I was introduced to the world of Shrinky Dinks. They are AMAZING! I love them. I wish I could Shrinky Dink everything. What is that stuff made out of? Miss P and I had loads of fun coloring and shrinking. If someone had a camera aimed at us, it would have caught us sitting in front of the oven watching them curl up and then flatten out. We had quite the chuckle and some great mother/daughter bonding time.




Today was also a fun day. First Miss P got to go on a bike ride by the river with her dad. She had a good time despite the fact that she said she wouldn't. I was able to sit at home and watch HGTV to my hearts content. It was great. I was even able to take a nap! Pure bliss.

Later on we stopped by the Cove for an early dinner. I had the veggie burger and fries. It was so good. Here is what happens when I try to take my kiddos picture.



Charming, I know.

Afterward we headed to the Japanese Tea Gardens. I haven't been in such a long time. We're talking twelve years. The last time I was there I jumped off the roof of the gazebo. I was insane in my youth. That's the only conclusion I can come to. We had a nice time walking around. I brought the camera along and took some photos. They aren't too good. I must be rusty. I really want to start taking photos daily so I can actually get better. Anyway, Miss P was enamored with the fish, the turtles and the waterfall. I was enamored with the turtles. I want some. I realized I really like turtles. A lot.



















See? I told you I like turtles. And yes, I know there is a picture that is repeated. Sorry, but I'm too lazy to dig through and delete it. Who doesn't like fish anyway? :)

And here are a few more pictures taken by my sweetie, Miss P:









This took a lot longer than I thought it would. Next time I'll just upload the photos to flickr and link them. Genius, I tell ya! Good night.

The B Word

Yesterday my world was forever altered. I still haven't wrapped my brain around it, and I don't know that I ever will. What started out as depression has morphed into bipolar disorder. I'm not surprised, really. I've always felt like there was something wrong with me. I could never put my finger on it. So someone else did. I went today to have labwork done because the medications used to treat bipolar are pretty scary. There are things that have to be checked out before it is safe to take them. That in itself scares me so much.

I haven't slept soundly in a very long time. I took the pill and still didn't sleep soundly. I felt very much detached from my body. I could hear the things that were happening around me but it felt like they were a million miles away. Anytime I tried to move, I felt so heavy and slow. I woke up at least five different times, but could never really wake up. It was the oddest feeling.

I also don't eat much anymore. I'm doing good if I can eat at least one full meal a day. As a result, I've lost 13 pounds (the last time I checked). I really have no desire for food. I never thought I would say that. I love to eat. Or I used to. Now I choke down what I can and move along with my day.

My relationship with my daughter is suffering. Thank goodness she has such a good daddy. I have no patience, energy or motivation to be around her, let alone play with her. It saddens me and makes me feel horrible about myself. Mr. T has picked up the slack and I am so thankful for him. I'm putting a strain on him and that is also saddening. He has so much that he worries about and I do nothing but make it worse with my wacko behavior. I worry about everything. All the time. I feel guilty all the time.

Now the fun begins. I'm going to find out everything I can about bipolar disorder because I need to try and understand it. I have so many questions. I fear for Miss P. Could she have to worry about this for herself down the road?

I hate labels. I really do. They are better left to canned goods and processed foods. At the same time, I'm thankful to know that someone could figure out what is wrong with me. I'm hopeful I'll be okay. I have friends who have gone down this road before me. I'll be sure to talk to them. It will become clearer as time goes on I'm sure. I can't wait for the fog to lift. I really need to breathe.

Eh. And an update.

I guess it's time for another update. It's interesting how life can get turned upside down so quickly. I am not in a good place. I'm not sure exactly what is wrong. My therapist says I'm depressed. Really depressed. She recommended I see a psychiatrist. I'll do that on Thursday. To be honest, I'm not a big fan of meds. I've had a bad experience with them before so I'm a little gun-shy. I realize though that I'm not going to get any better by doing nothing. I'm willing to do most anything. I'm reaching out which is good. The last time my world collapsed around me I kept it to myself for the most part. This time I will tell anyone that will listen. I'm broken, messy, hurt, depressed and pretty much miserable. I don't know where my life is going or what will become of all this. I do know that things will be okay. I may be having a faith crisis on top of everything else, but I can say that it will be alright. I have to be alright. I am raising a daughter who may or may not be depressed at some point in her life. I have to be a good example. I want to be a good example.

So enough with the doom and gloom. This month has been a little slower. Thank goodness. Here's the September recap through today. My dreads turned five months old:

They are really looping and locking. It's so fun to watch. I'll be taking pictures of them again at six months. Juliana made me beaded dread cuffs and I love them! They will be in the pictures. Most definitely.
Girl Scouts started again. Who doesn't love ice cream?

Miss P enjoyed drawing birds (not ducks):

She also practiced her tattooing skills:


And there "ain't nothin' wrong with that." (quick, name that song)
I left the family at home to see Sarah play at Hot Tin Roof. It was awesome. They loved her. And why wouldn't they?

Oh and her dad has to be like the coolest ever. See the look on his face? Wow.

We dreamed of colder weather:

We saw Rhett Miller solo and acoustic. Loved it. Although I may have offended him. Oops. Don't ask for requests, acknowledge my request and then not play it. Still love ya, Rhett.




Miss P couldn't get her mind off of ice skating. So we went:



She created a sea scene:

I was so honored when I was allowed to babysit this angel:


I mean really. How gorgeous is she? I just want to gobble her up. She loves her Aunt Kari too. I can tell.
And finally today. Miss P and I met up with friends at the Houston Street Fair. I decided we must go every month. It's that much fun. I was a bit irritated by the petting area and the horse painting, but I tried to let it go. The kids had a great time, and who was I to argue with that?





I don't know what October will bring. Heck, I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Wait. I do. I will be with some of the people I love most in the world. That can never be a bad thing. There will be hope tomorrow. After tomorrow is up for grabs. I'll do my part. And I'll never stop hoping.

Tea For The Masses

Do you ever get so obsessed with something that it overwhelms you until you do something about it? I do. My latest obsession? Tea. It was coming out of everywhere. I couldn't handle it. I've been looking for a place to put it and hadn't found anything I liked. In a fit of I'm-not-even-sure-what, I came up with this:


I'm not sure it is going to stay in that basket, but it'll do for now. That led to me cleaning out the pantry, and then the container cabinet. Another basket became the home for my dish towels. Temporarily. My house is still a disaster, but I'm feeling much better. I think it is tea time. Care to join me? I have plenty.

Goodbye August

A friend of mine told me recently that I needed to post another blog. It's been over a month (I really can't believe that). July and August were both very busy months around here. I'm really hoping that September is a little slower. I am going to work on saying no. That's never fun because I love the people in our lives and enjoy the good times we share. I really need to work on balancing out our social lives, though. I keep reminding myself that everyone will understand even if we have to say no once in awhile. I can be quite insecure at times.

How about an August recap in pictures?

There's been park days:


Painting on the porch:


Time spent with this precious girl and her gorgeous mama:


There was birthdays and bowling:


We had friends over to play in the water:


We had brunch at a friends and a Holistic Moms Network potluck on the same day. I must have been enjoying talking too much to take photos. Oops. The food at both was delicious. Between the two meals we had chilaquiles, vegetarian quiches, pasta salad, fruit, lentil burgers, basil pesto on baguette bread , homemade mango coconut sticky rice, and a mixed berry tart. Yummy!

I took some pictures of Ashley for her sweet sixteen party:




We slept when we had a chance:


More time was spent with this little doll (can you believe how fast she is growing?):

Stacey brought me a souffle from Panera Bread for breakfast. Thanks for my newest obsession, Stace. ;)

We decked the hall (and husband):


We practiced our dance moves:


There was a birthday party for Juliana here:

We had coffee and laughs. Go see Jacob if you're ever in the area. He serves coffee with an attitude! I liked that kid.

Then we went to see Sarah sing and play her heart out. She's really good. Adorable too.


Juliana's birthday gathering was so very great! Miss P had a blast hanging out with Keziah. I had an equally fabulous time with everyone there. She has great taste in friends.


Later that evening, we ended our crazy month with Ashley's Sweet Sixteen party:




I put the camera down long enough to show off my impressive moves:


Maybe that wasn't such a great idea:


Tommy made a friend:


He even scored a dance with the most beautiful girl in the room:


We also did other things this month that weren't captured by the lens of the camera. We had other play dates, birthday parties, dental appointments, and a wedding. I was able to spend a few hours with Laura who came in from Chicago for a few days. I miss her all the time and was thrilled to be able to spend those few hours with her. We laughed so hard we cried.

I attended the Beth Moore conference with my mom and a friend. That was an amazing experience. I couldn't help but love her. I'd like to participate in one of her bible studies sometime.

No wonder I'm so tired. We've spent the last two days doing as little as possible. Miss P is under the weather complete with fever. As much as I hate her being sick, I have enjoyed all the couch cuddles and movie watching.

My life is rich. My heart is full. I am blessed beyond measure. Now let's bring on cooler temps and college football! Hello September!

She Will Rock You!

Miss P puts on a heck of a show:

That's all. Carry on.

The Night That Changed Everything

So I guess before any more time passes I will tell of our encounters with the Old 97's. I've really hesitated blogging about it, fearing that it would make them less "mine". Or "ours" as it happens to be. They are fun little anecdotes that we share at parties or when we meet another fan of the band. This blog is nowhere near popular, so I should be okay. For now. ;)

The first time I had ever heard of the Old 97's was when I got my ticket to see Chris Isaak at the Majestic Theatre. I had no clue who they were and honestly didn't really care. I had just broken up with a guy I had been with for over two years and was asserting my independent, "I don't need a boyfriend" attitude by buying one fourth row ticket to see Chris. I go to the show and find my seat. Two guys sit down beside me. I engage in small talk with the one sitting next to me. He'd never heard the band either. They came out and put on a killer show. I made a mental note to find some of their music. Later Chris Isaak came out and as I was taking pictures the guy sitting next to me told me he could get me some great Chris Isaak bootlegs if I would do something for him. "Whoa there mister! What exactly did you have in mind?" He explained he would like a copy of the pictures. Fair enough. After the show I get the guys number so I can get the pictures to him and off I go to meet Chris Isaak. I totally put my foot in my mouth and said something stupid like "I like your music so much I came to the show by myself because none of my friends like you." Clever. I know. He graciously signed a poster and a shirt for me. He even took a picture with me.

Notice the lack of smile on his part? I got home from the show and was so very excited. I got the shirt for myself and the poster for the guy sitting next to me. I called him the next day and we talked for hours that day. The day after that too. I met my future husband at that show. We became Old 97's fans on November 1, 1999. We became Mr. and Mrs. about a year and a half later!

I'm going to hold off on the other story for a bit. I'll be back to tell it though. It's fun.